Title: This World Keeps On Spinning
Series: House M.D.
Plot: Chase knew that he did not want to wake up.
Timeframe: Season 2 ("Hunting"), flashbacks to pre-series and possibly season one events.
Spoilers: Anything from Seasons 1 and 2 are fair game.
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me.
AN: My first House fanfic, first ChasexCameron fic, and even my first fanfic that focuses on a guy character and his thoughts! So, yeah, a lot of firsts are in this one. I personally liked writing this fanfic and I thought that it was a good learning experience. I was pretty nervous throughout the process. I like Chase and Cameron a lot and for the longest time wanted to try my hand at writing about them. But, I was scared too until I got the idea for this in my head and it got to the point I was having trouble sleeping because I was plotting this out and seeing images of what I wanted to happen in my head. Even from there I was going to just throw it out once it was written, until a friend stopped me. (I'm not sure how canon it turned out regardless.)
If anyone would be interested in betaing this or would want me to create another fic with this pairing (or even continue this)..please let me know! It would be very nice to know that someone out there would be interested!
Dedicated to all of those who know how complicated emotions are, how complicated when can be when they get in the way, and how complicated everything becomes when one finally realizes that there is something there.
Also dedicated to the author enigma731 (who created my now all-time favorite fanfic "The Rest is Silence" and quite a few other awesome ChasexCameron fics) and my fellow House fans "Nikki" (my former friend and my next door neighbor) and "Cameron" (who plays bass clarinet with me at school and saved the little pieces of this that I had written from the garbage can and told me to continue).
Once again, this is Unbetaed and if anyone has found any mistakes..please let me know.
From the moment he opened his eyes and saw the ceiling above him covered in midnight hour induced shadows, he simply knew that things were going to be no longer as simple as they had seemed just hours ago. He also knew that he would wake up guilty from the beginning, regardless. At least nothing between the two of them would ever be anything close to the same again. Sex was nothing like a bad coffee date or a misunderstanding between two people. It could not be forgotten as easily, it was more like something that would give two people a bond that would never disappear. Or at least that was the thing about it that he always wanted to believe.
He still felt her hands grabbing him, the eyes..no it was her eyes that were grabbing his attention as well as bouncing back between the signs of her condition and emotions that he knew that been there from the very beginning. They were always there even when it was a relatively good day. He always saw them because he knew he was to some degree the same. He knew because he had experienced his fair share as well. He, however, was better at hiding it. He knew that he was because he had to learn that early. The world did not care who he was and what his past was. It did not care about anyone, because if it did things would be happy..grand..wonderful. Everyone would be happy and nothing like this would happen.
House was right. The world still sucked and the only thing that anyone could do was to get used to it and move on.
It just took until now to realize that there may be some sort of truth in those words.
Though, of course, he also knew that anyone who wanted to could have it and usually did. This evening was proof enough of that. She was out of her own head and simply acting on whatever caught her interest. There could not have been any real emotion attached, because he knew better, he knew the truth. She loved House. She wanted to be with House even if his boss could not understand or realize it. He knew his place well. He knew that the chances of anything good coming out of being near her like this and wanting something good to happen were almost none, especially now that this night happened.
He was only the guy who was going to get hurt in the end.
But he was also the guy who could not help but wonder if he could be wrong and wanted to be wrong.
She had called him; she had called him and not House. He could not wrap that thought around his head.
The blonde doctor turned over onto his side and looked towards the lone window in the room and out towards the streetlight that was shining into the room. He never could sleep with any sort of light on whether by choice or because it was out of his control. Though, a childhood of sleeping inside of a small closet every night to escape the sounds of glass breaking against the wall or floor, the sobs, the drunken slurs and curses, and the sight of watching his mother destroy herself despite knowing that the result would instead become the first thing he saw the next day.
His mind went blank for a moment as a sudden shifting in the sheets followed his movement and for a moment he was worried that he had waken her up and placed her into the same situation that he was in now.
Was it because he had asked her out for a drink before?
That was probably the case. At the very least she remembered that he had asked or that he was at least easy to get a hold of.
Was it because she knew something he did not?
She might have. Or she may have not. He was not the least bit sure, as if he ever honestly was even before all of this. He never had to be sure about something that involved a human relationship before because he never honestly wanted to get involved with anyone like that. He watched what getting close to someone and then having that same one pull away could do to a person.
That was all he wanted to know.
Why call him and not someone else?
There were tons of guys, who Chase knew would have done anything and everything just for a chance to go out for a drink. He often overheard the other doctors and even some of the patients talking about her. A few times, a guy would talk about going to ask her out after he got of work while the others who were listening who simply roll their eyes and tell him to keep dreaming. She was popular and that was not the least bit surprising to him: Cameron was conscientious, diligent, intelligent, and on top of that extremely beautiful on both the outside and in.
She was more than the "lobby art" House probably thought she was. To Chase, she was so much more. He could never truly, accurately describe what exactly she was like to him but knew that she was definitely more than what House believed.
He had been there when House was "trying" (he even now still internally scoffed at that, House never even paid any real attention to anyone he interviewed) to decide on who to hire. It was not as easy as getting a phone call from someone's father. Chase still remembered the moment when House first told him that and he was still more than a little unnerved with a combination of being not only bitter but also annoyed, disheartened, and defeated. He knew had his reasons, many of them in fact. More than just both loving and hating him with his entire being. More than wanting to prove himself to the world. In fact, he knew that the list which would begin with all of the "normal" assumptions that people would come up with, and then some. He was sure that people, who knew about the situation, thought of him as a spoiled rich kid who could not get a job without a parent's help and that thought for a while made him feel sick.
He supposed that if he was ever asked why by someone who cared and truly cared, he would answer with a simple, maybe half-assed to some "I wanted to escape." It would not be like he was lying. He or at least, a part of him wanted to run away.
Maybe he would add "I wanted to be challenged," to that. That was not a lie either. He knew he was smart and he also knew that he was never taken seriously back home (was it even home to begin with?). Everyone (especially once he was in med school) just gave him the automatic "pass" just because of his father.
The thirty year old shut his eyes and grit his teeth. Some things were truly best left unknown or forgotten. Even if they, the memories themselves, do not want to be forgotten or hidden he wanted to believe that.
He remembered two important things.
The first thing was the memory of when they first met. It was a simple enough encounter, normally something one would quickly forget about by going through a normal day but this time it was different. There was something that was oddly memorable. He could remember so much of that moment. It was sunny out but chilly, the hospital was filled to the brim, and House was still House. It was all so normal and not the least bit eventful. Just a day, that was his first impression of it. He would get up, go to work, and come home.
He had been sitting alone in the office with his usual book of crossword puzzles and a mug of strong coffee. He never really liked those things to begin with but he found them to be good on boring days like that. Especially since he began working for House. Oftentimes, the room remained silent, he still remained awake and alert, and no one from the outside ever noticed anything. He supposed that he had crafted a mask from which the base of it came from those actions. He did not have to carry conversation or do anything as long as he continued.
She had walked into the room a little after one in the afternoon wearing a fairly conservative but lovely and well cut navy blue dress suit and carrying a plain vanilla folder. She looked a little unnerved, like most of the other candidates. Apparently, he remembered musing; she must have walked through the clinic or heard the nurses talking.
Their first conversation was a simple one. She asked where House was, he told her he was at the clinic, she looked a little disappointed, and they began to talk as she as asked him various questions.
He felt a little bad once she had finished her interview and left. He liked her and wanted for her to get the job, but he knew the track record that House had when it came to hiring. Even if she had gotten it, there was a good chance that she would end up quitting.
When the news came out of the boss' mouth hours later, Chase was nothing more than stunned.
That first piece of "free time" after her first case working along with House and himself had been completed was the second memory that resulted from his thinking. He remembered woman in her early thirties as the patient in question at that time. He remembered her boyfriend coming by a few times and he remembered Cameron not being able to give the "bad news" to her at the end. The silence probably still rung in her ears as it did in his.
Compared to the extremely challenging cases they had begun to experience since Foreman joined the team, it was fairly simple though at the time he believed differently. It was also back in the days when the office did not have its own coffee machine and during overnighters who ever was stuck there (usually him) had to find someone willing to let him use their machine and dip into the supply of coffee that they had or travel to and from the cafeteria until they ran out or closed.
He had been walking from the cafeteria carrying two cups of lukewarm "sludge" or the last two cups of coffee that were left before its closing. The hallways compared to when he had first set off, were relatively empty except for a few nurses at the station watching him with keen interest and for a couple seconds muttered amongst themselves before he got too close to overhear anything. He could tell that they were looking intently at the second cup in his hand and that they were wondering who it was for. As he walked past without glancing at them any further, he knew that tomorrow morning would bring about his turn of being stuck in the gossip ocean that existed within the hospital.
However, for once he did not really care. They could make up whatever they wanted and no one would probably ever find out the truth. It never stopped any of them before. He never particularly cared for any of the nurses, though a few of them did seem to have feelings towards him. They were all too innocent; Chase stopped himself there and refused to add onto his thought. He did not know them; he never even spoke more than a few words to any of them at one time.
When he had saw her last, she had been working busily away on the paperwork, e-mails, and other tasks that had been meant for House, while he decided to stay late because he had nothing else to do. No, the young man knew better than to lie. It was not because of that, or just because of that. He was not busy then, had nowhere to go, nothing worth doing. It was never like he had any date to get to (he had a few here and there but nothing was ever serious nor did he have any sort of connection to the girl he was with for the evening) or any errands to run.
That was when a 'crazy' idea had come into his mind.
He found her in the same seat asleep in front of the computer and instead of handing her the coffee like he had planned; he set her cup down and began to move the paperwork that lied in front of her away. It was the first time in years; he had tried to take care of somebody because he felt compelled to. Chase, from that point, had grabbed the old blanket that had during that time still existed within the office and draped it over her shoulders after pausing more than a handful of times. His heart pounded and felt as if it was going to explode as he quickly took a couple steps back.
He had gotten a good look at her without even meaning to and without expecting to.
She looked so much younger whenever she was asleep. She looked for innocent, fragile...no not just that but broken, sad? He saw a mixture of those emotions from just how she was sleeping there. He had first believed that she was like light. She seemed to be so strong. She was overwhelmingly strong compared to him. Yet, in the long run, he learned that that her strength was also her weakness. She was kind, but she was hurting because of it. She was hurt every time she was put into a situation that involved someone else suffering.
He quickly left office forgetting all of his own belongings and did not come back until the next morning. He was like a child still; he did not know how to handle a situation like that.
Cameron had been woken up the next morning by House as he came into the office in an irritable mood. She surely must have thought that House had done those things for her.
"Maybe," he wondered, "that's when she first fell for House?"
He heard soft sobs from next to him.
The cries he heard coming from her reminded him of 'then'. It reminded him of his mother. Only, she was different. They were not the same, not by a long shot. She had not done the "hurting" and was only "hurt" by someone else, at least she appeared that way to him. Even now, she seemed to be suffering even if she did not know it. Her cries were softer and more like the cries of someone who was trying not to weep. His mother's cries were ones that someone in agony would send out into the world.
Another slightly quieter set went off a short time later and were followed by her arms wrapping around his torso. Chase froze for a moment and felt his face begin to grow warm as he felt a small smile form on his face. It lasted a second and then disappeared into the darkness and turned into nothingness.
His eyes opened again realizing that any chance of falling back asleep and into a blissful ignorance was completely gone at this point. This was not the least bit okay, especially once the reality had set into his mind. He liked her. He liked her a lot. If words could even describe such a feeling like his, he would use them and use them well. He would have been able to stop her.
He did a lot of that when he was younger. He would always wish for things to get better. He wanted his mother to stop drinking, stop crying, to get up on her own two feet and support him when he needed her. He was still a kid in those days. He was not even close to being ready to want to be like an adult. He was scared whenever he came home from school and found the empty cans or bottles (depending on the day and how it went) scattered everywhere, he felt sick whenever he would hear the glass break or something get turned over, he just about died each time he heard the inevitable 'thump' that came from his mother hitting floor.
When he was older he wished that people who take 'him' seriously. Not, the appearance or the background that he had. But his 'true' self and his own mind, he wanted those to be taken seriously. He wanted to be known as being him and not his father's son. He studied and worked himself ragged for years, just for a professor or two to tell him that he never needed to in the first place.
Now, that he remembered that he could hear Cameron's voice in his head talking about a similar thing. She had worked hard herself, she was brilliant too. Yet, she had been told the same thing, had she not?
The blond and now increasingly tired young doctor felt his eyes beginning to shut as her grip grew tighter and decided to just let things stay as they are. Maybe, a few moments of bliss was what they both needed? Maybe, a few moments of forgoing the "what ifs" just acting on something was what she needed?
He made his decision. He would not move from this spot, wake her up, and just sleep and get himself engrossed in some (hopefully) good dreams. The world was still spinning and while life was going to change, when did it never? He had a twinge of happiness and he felt (at least what he thought was) accepted and wanted by the person he wanted the most.
Everything was going to be fine…
At least until they had to both wake up and go into work.